no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize