I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
