six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
