I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
