after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
