You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
