OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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