i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
