I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
