I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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