It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
