? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
