....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
