I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
