your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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