I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
