it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
