would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
