I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
