You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
how drunk are you?
Several
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
