I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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