he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
