i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
