well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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