My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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