theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
