i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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