there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
