Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
