I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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