Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
