YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i barfeds in our rink
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
