i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
