Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
where does the pee come out of this thing
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
