I CAN MOONWALK!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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