New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
