i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
