I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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