I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize