Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
