they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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