Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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