I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
