the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
