Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize