hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I want her autograph on my taint
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
