I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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