last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
