beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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