every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
