i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
