She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
