maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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