Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
