I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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