i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
