My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
