Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
