i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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