Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
