I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
