I didn't shave. On purpose
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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