Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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