i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
