well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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