How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
