i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
